Miserable Day in the Kitchen

This morning was cold and dreary, and I choked down a small quantity of porridge in a feable attempt to warm myself. When I started thinking about lunch by 10:00, I decided it was the perfect day to stay indoors and do a little cooking. I had already purchased some stock and cannellini beans, so I was ready to make pasta fagioli. Or so I thought. I'm not accustomed to cooking with gas, so the onion and garlic got a little crispy, even in the heavy Le Creuset pan. "Not a major problem," I thought. "Do the British thing and carry on." I opened the pouch of stock and poured it in. Hmmm...it looked pretty dark for chicken stock so I gave it a taste. Yuckorama! There was no seasoning to speak of, and the only tastes I picked up were burnt and alcohol (?!). "Maybe it just needs some more of the ingredients to flavor it..." (This type of thinking is usually a bad sign.) I added the veg and reached for the can of beans. No can opener! A lengthier search unearthed one unlike I'd ever seen before, and I could not for the life of me figure out how to use it--although I probably looked like a monkey trying. I decided it was time to cut my losses. I turned off the cooktop and backed out of the kitchen. When the mess cooled, I carried it outside and unceremoniously poured it on the compost pile. I try not to waste food, but this was absolutely inedible. So now Sue has a can of beans in the pantry. Maybe she knows how to use the #$%^ can opener.